I think this week has helped me more than any other homework we've done. I've had a difficult time with this particular studay because I hadn't been able to figure out what I needed to "break free" from! I don't have some terrible tragedy or unimaginable event in my life that I've burried deep within my heart. It was not until we hit this chapter when I discovered what I needed to break free from was me!

I am exactly that person Beth was describing. I sing words of love and confession that I don't yet feel. I am outsinging my feelings. I respect God, I am grateful to God, and I serve God, but I don't think I fully love God yet. I long to long for God, I just don't know how to love him.

This week's work is covered in pink highlighter, everything I want to remember and apply in my life. Personally, I've been making excuses for why I don't make time for God in my life. I am short on obedience and full of excuses. "Never forget that Satan persists where a stronghold exists. He supplies an endless list of rationalizations for the things we do and refuse to do" (p. 199). I sat down and listed what I did everyday in order to determine why I don't read my Bible and pray daily. I began to notice a pattern. Housework, kids, lunch, naptime, kids, dinner, baths, bedtime, time with my husband, bed. My "free time" of naptime and after the kids were in bed mostly revolved around TV. So, my husband and I discussed it and we're starting 30 days of unplugging the TV on Sunday. I want to spend time with God and spend quality time with my family. During my daughter's naptime I'll be reading the Bible and working on a prayer journal daily. In the evenings, I'll be reading the books that I've bought and not read yet or just spend hours talking with my husband. I'll be getting up an hour earlier to pray and get ready before my husband leaves for work. I rationalized what I was doing as I needed my "me time". I do so much for everyone else, so why not sit my tush in front of the TV and watch my DVR and take a break? I realized that I'm being selfish, God needs my time and I want to give it to Him more than I need to watch TV.

Then, the illustrations about the lies in our heads/hearts that we choose to believe really struck me..so I'm doing what Beth suggested. I'm in the process of listing out thoughts in my mind that I know are lies but I still allow to stay there anyway. Next to those lies I'm writing scripture that corresponds to those lies, so I can see God's truth tell me they're lies. My plan is to start memorizing those scriptures. I've discovered that the book of Romans is fantastic, a lot of my scriptures are coming from there.

This study, plus Apples of Gold are showing me ways to begin to truly love God. I've set some big goals for myself these next few months. Daily prayers, reading the Bible, showing respect to my husband every day. Making time for the everyday stuff with my children, serving God to glorify Him...I'm looking forward to it.

I'm sure I lost most of you before you got half way through! I'm kind of rambling now, but writing it out makes it clearer in my head and will keep me accountable! Thanks for all your support ladies!