Jan. 30, 2005

Hi Ladies!
Today is a special day for me...an anniversary of sorts...it was 6 years ago today that the Lord "visited" me in a season of deep anguish and despair...I had been wrestling with some personal issues and some marriage issues and told God I felt like Jacob...I also was not going to let go until He blessed me...well, that day He did bless me and we hashed some things out and began a journey that brought great deliverance in many areas of my life....whew it was hard work...it took time...but somehow God finally got it though my thick skull that my way wasn't working.

You know I desperately wanted my way to work...but jeepers why did it take me so dang long to admit...hey, it ain't working!! I had to realize that if I kept doing what I had always done...I was going to get what I had always gotten. Seems so simple...but duh, I guess I couldn't grasp it. I wanted everyone else to change....why did I have to change?! Well I finally got the concept that I had to take drastic measures, rethink everything, react and respond in ways I never thought I could...but God was holding my hand and walking with me every step of the way...and you know what? I was able to act and think differently. I begun to change and heal. It was really quite amazing to me. Somehow God rewired my brain.

Oh there were plenty of days that I felt like I was dying...but God told me that was a good thing...there was plenty in me that needed to die. I needed to put things on the altar and sacrifice them...God told me what He accepts He consumes, so when I felt as though I were dying...he was accepting that sacrifice...make sense?

He reminded me of Romans 12:1, "I urge you therefore sisters, by the mercies of God to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, that is your reasonable service of worship." My automatic responses and thought patterns that only brought more destruction needed to be put on that altar and consumed by God....it's only reasonable....

So try and keep this in mind when those times come and you feel as though you're dying...it just might be a good thing. Let God lead you. Don't give up. Stay the course.

Your sister in Christ,